{"id":1003,"date":"2021-02-08T09:07:38","date_gmt":"2021-02-08T16:07:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/clearasmud.blog\/?p=1003"},"modified":"2021-02-08T09:07:39","modified_gmt":"2021-02-08T16:07:39","slug":"capacity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/?p=1003","title":{"rendered":"CAPACITY"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

CAPACITY<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gosh this word is coming up a lot for me lately! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Capacity:<\/em> the maximum amount that something\/someone can contain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I really believe that G-d doesn\u2019t give us more then we can handle, yet at the same time I have this overwhelming feeling that I have reached my capacity, that every day takes so much effort and intention that I have no idea how I\u2019m going to gather the strength to do it all again tomorrow. But I have to\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does anyone else get this feeling?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t want to constantly live life in survival mode. On occasion, we need to, but when it becomes the norm, I feel like something should change, something needs reevaluation.           <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel (yes, it\u2019s just a feeling, I\u2019ve got nothing to back it up) like the first step is identifying what capacity feels like for you. Are you dealing with emotional and mental capacity, or is this more of a physical capacity issue? (Trust me it could be both). What sensation do you notice in your body when you feel like you\u2019ve hit a wall? Are you so overwhelmed that you have no idea and are completely out of touch with how emotions feel in your body? I know, I know, I\u2019m asking you a lot of hard questions, but frankly we all need to have this self-awareness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If something isn\u2019t working and we want to change it, we first need to understand what\u2019s not working and why. Often times we think it\u2019s one thing but when we dig a little deeper, we discover that it wasn\u2019t that at all but something else entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have spent (and still do) a lot of time in therapy, and that has helped me become more aware and it has enabled me to connect the physical sensations to my emotions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being that this is my blog and I\u2019m on the hotseat \ud83d\ude42 I will share a personal example. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have started identifying what it feels like in my body when I sense that I am trapped, or my emotional space is being invaded. It will almost always show up in my gut. That is where I carry and store my stress.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What does it mean to feel trapped? To me, it\u2019s the sensation that I am in a lose lose situation. That I am doing everything \u201cright\u201d but am not seeing the results I hoped for. It can even mean that I don\u2019t feel comfortable in my own home, as I am extremely sensitive to energy and any negative vibes makes me want to run for the hills.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Capacity = I can\u2019t do this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When those words go through your mind multiple times a day, it\u2019s time for something to change. As much as I wish I could blame those feelings on my kids\u2019 behavior, the COVID circumstances, or everything and anything, those \u201cthings\u201d are not in my control! I want, so badly, to be able to wave my magic wand and believe that if only this thing or this circumstance were different, I would be fine. I realize (not easily) that\u2019s not the case and the only thing I have control over is my own mindset, my own actions and what comes out of my mouth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So here are some changes that I made. These are still a work in progress, as growth is not linear! I really need you to remember this: Be kind to yourself especially when you\u2019re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. I needed to change the way I speak to myself. The more I told myself \u201cI can\u2019t do<\/strong> this\u201d<\/strong>, the more my mind and body believed that message and it starts to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So now, when something really challenging comes along (like once an hour) the first thing I tell myself is \u201cI can do this\u201d<\/strong>, <\/strong>even if I don\u2019t completely believe it. The more I send this message to myself, the more of a reality it will become. <\/li>
  2. Boundaries <\/strong>– <\/strong>I know we hear this term a lot, and many times it\u2019s used incorrectly. A boundary is something we hold for ourselves, for example, when a teenager gives us attitude, telling them \u201cyou are not allowed to give me attitude\u201d isn\u2019t a boundary, it\u2019s a rule or expectation, a boundary would look like \u201cwhen you give me attitude, I will kindly but firmly tell you that I\u2019m available to speak when I am treated with respect\u201d. You\u2019ve now created your boundary and he\/she can choose whether to change their behavior as a result. You\u2019re making clear what you<\/strong> are, and are not, willing to tolerate. <\/strong>You see how the focus is on yourself, and what you are going to do respect your those limits you have set.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    It is way easier said than done to create those boundaries for yourself, especially when you are worried about the fallout. When you first set boundaries, they are usually not met with joy :), but I have come to realize how important they are. Without them it\u2019s so easy to become burnt out and resentful. That\u2019s not the way I want to move through my life and though I haven\u2019t achieved 100% success in boundary setting, that is definitely the way forward for me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    In my previous post about Puerto Rico, I wrote about how \u201cLife is a series of choices of what hurts and what hurts worse\u201d. For me, it hurt worse to feel like I am stuck, and I\u2019ve reached my capacity, so I realized some changes were in order. I am sure I will make plenty of mistakes, making changes is a messy business, lots of trial and error.  One thing I know for sure is that growth is never done, it\u2019s a lifetime journey and I am in it, G-d willing, for the long haul. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Whaddaya say!? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    CAPACITY Gosh this word is coming up a lot for me lately!  Capacity: the maximum amount that something\/someone can contain. I really believe that G-d doesn\u2019t give us more then we can handle, yet at the same time I have this overwhelming feeling that I have reached my capacity, that every day takes so much effort […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1004,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1003"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1003"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1003\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1005,"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1003\/revisions\/1005"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1004"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1003"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1003"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mud.webromancy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1003"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}